In Every Sunflower
by elm01
Summary: [ON TEMPORARY HIATUS] I wouldn't swap the pain for never knowing you. SS!angst [ON TEMPORARY HIATUS]
1. 01

**Title:** In Every Sunflower

**Author:** Erica

**Disclaimer:** Despite owning a large collection of OC related pictures, DVD's, CD's, and one huge-ass movie poster (courtesy of my wonderful brother and sister), I don't own The OC.

**Rating: **PG-13. Or T or whatever the hell that means in the new rating system.

**A/N:** I haven't been around forever but I am back. For those of you who don't know, I am **Obsessed01** but my old username sucked so I made a new account.

Now, I started this story while I was still writing my last and, hopefully, this one will be heaps better. It's a futurefic focusing on (drum roll please…) Seth and Summer! No surprise. It's a pretty traditional storyline but I'm hoping to shake things up a little bit and make it more interesting. I'm adding flashbacks in this story. The flashback will be an entire chapter, but probably much shorter than an actual chapter. They'll be completely random. Okay, well not completely. They'll pertain to the story but they are in no particular order. I am not beneath begging for reviews but please, spare me my dignity and just review.

* * *

_"She started breaking but she still won't let it show." -Stars_

"Dinner?" Summer asked as she padded quietly into the small kitchen in the apartment she shared with Seth.

Seth shrugged. He was seated at the table, a bowl of Cap'n Crunch in front of him.

"We don't have anything better than cereal?"

Seth shrugged again. "I didn't feel like getting anything out," he said finally.

"Oh," Summer said quietly, walking over to the cupboard and grabbing a bowl. She sat down across from him and took the box, pouring her own bowl half full. She picked up the carton of milk and emptied what was left of it on top of her cereal.

Just when Summer was about to conclude that Seth was not in a talkative mood, he spoke. "What did you do today?"

Now, Summer shrugged. "I talked to Marissa for a while on the phone and then I cleaned up some. I contemplated getting a job and then I pondered the meaning of life for about an hour."

"Why would you get a job?" Seth asked, not rudely.

"To help out around here," she explained.

"Summer, you don't need to get a job. Okay?" Seth tried to tell her. "We're doing fine."

"I know that," she said. "But another income wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"Summer," he said, his voice becoming firmer. "You should rest."

Summer looked up at Seth, and he saw a flash of conflicted emotions in her eyes before they turned dark again.

"It was five months ago, Seth," she said quietly, sternly, and using his first name. She always used his first name now.

"And look at you," he said, motioning to her with the hand that wasn't currently holding his cereal spoon. "Look at us."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not," she said, getting up and clearing her place though she'd only eaten four bites.

They had been pushing a lot of issues to the backburner lately. They always promised they would deal with them later but later just kept getting further away.

"That's our problem," he continued as she walked away.

"Stop it, Seth," she said, practically biting off the words. She placed the bowl in the sink and turned on the faucet, watching the water drown the sugary cereal pieces.

"No," he said, dropping his spoon and turning to face her. "We don't talk about anything anymore. Why?"

"We talk about stuff," she tried to defend, knowing full well that they didn't. The last time she had had a conversation with her husband where she actually told him what she was feeling, what she was _really_ feeling, had been five months prior. Now, she had what she often referred to in her head as "surface conversation". They talked in the morning and when they sat down to dinner, but they never went any deeper. She figured they were doing each other a favor by not.

"Don't give me that bullshit," he said, turning back to his cereal. "You don't talk to me anymore."

"Well, at least you're always walking around here pouring your heart out." Living with Seth Cohen can turn even the most unsarcastic person into a smartass real fast.

"Why won't you talk about this with me?" he asked, his tone changing from bitter to soft.

She shut off the water and rested her hands on the edge of the sink, staring down at the cereal bowl whose contents had been flooded down the drain moments before. "Because I don't want to."

"Summ—" he started but she cut him off.

"It was five months ago. We don't need to talk about it," she said with an air of finality.

"You don't think it would help things?" he asked slowly.

"I think it would help things if we just didn't talk about."

She couldn't understand why Seth was bringing this up now. It had been five months since it happened. He hadn't tried to talk about it then. He hadn't tried to talk about anything. Neither had she. And so that was where they were now: having Surface Conversations while underneath, they were both miserable. She kept telling herself that it would get better. That one day, she would make them a real dinner. One day, he would kiss her goodbye before he left for work again. One day, they would try for another baby.

"When was the last time we had sex?"

"What?" she asked, turning around to see him get up from the table and walk towards her, placing his bowl in the sink.

He was looking down at her, waiting for an answer, and she noticed how much taller than her he was.

"When was the last time we had sex?" he repeated.

"Well, I forgot to mark it on the calendar so I'm not sure," she spat sarcastically.

"That's because it was a month ago," he told her.

"What does this have to do with anything?" she asked, walking away from him and going back to the table where she picked up the half empty box of Cap'n Crunch and popped the little tab into the slot, closing it.

"You didn't even get off," he said, as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring the fact that this was a very odd and somewhat graphic discussion.

Summer bit her tongue and resisted the urge to tell him that that was not _her_ fault. "So what? I still don't see where you're going with this."

"We used to do it twice a day," he said, like that explained why he was having a conversation about their sex life. Or, it seemed to him, lack thereof.

"We've been married for over two years, Seth. Our sex life is going to change," she said, shutting the cupboard after putting the cereal inside. "_People_ change after marriage."

"_People_ change when they bottle shit up and don't talk about it with anybody."

"What point are you trying to make?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and mimicking his stance. She was getting fed up with dancing around the topic. If he insisted on discussing this, she wished he would just get to it.

"The point I'm trying to make is that since we lost the baby, we haven't been the same. _You_ haven't been the same. And I'm sick of pretending like everything is okay."

Summer stared hard at Seth. She didn't know what to say. All along, she had wanted him to just come out and say it and now that he had, she was rethinking that decision. It seemed that as long as no one talked about it, as long as no one said anything, maybe it wouldn't be real. Maybe, she would wake up one day and realize it had all just been some terrible nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. And Seth had just confirmed it. _Since we lost the baby._ His voice wrapped around the words and they threw themselves at Summer and now, she didn't know what to do with them. She wanted to dodge them. Ignore them. Maybe, what she needed was to catch them.

Tears filled her eyes and she turned her back to him, walking towards the living room but pausing in the doorway. "I'm going to bed," she managed to say.

-----

It was a long time before she felt Seth crawl into bed next to her. She wanted to roll over and cling to him and let him take care of her like he always did. She wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. That they would make it through this, like they made it through everything.

I mean, they didn't get all the way here running away from their problems. In high school, college, even marriage, they faced everything head on, hand in hand. Granted they hadn't exactly dated all the way to the altar. They made it through high school and they both attended colleges within four hours of each other because, that was what they had agreed on. But slowly they started to grow up and apart they decided that it was time for them to try to do this on their own. The break-up was mutual and they remained close friends. They still saw each other on holidays because, well, they did live in the same small town.

It wasn't until the middle of their senior year in college that they realized all they really wanted out of life was each other. They were home for Christmas break and hanging out together, as per usual, but there was a sexual tension she hadn't noticed before. She kept catching him staring at her and he would just blush and smile and look away. She brushed his hand with hers at one point and, in their own private way, got the message across because he showed up on her doorstep later that evening and kissed her right on the mouth. He didn't go home that night.

They wrapped up their senior year and a year after they got together he proposed. Some thought it was too soon but they didn't understand Seth and Summer. Things moved quickly with them. They always had. The wedding wasn't small by any standards but it wasn't the usual Newport blowout. Seth and Summer just had a lot of friends and family. A year later, Summer found out she was pregnant.

She closed her eyes and tried to fake sleep because Seth was sitting up next to her in the bed. She felt his eyes boring into her back and it was all she could do not to squirm under his gaze. She wanted to turn around and ask him just why he was staring at her so intently. Instead, she shut her eyes tighter and concentrated on something else. Anything that didn't have to do with her husband or their shared history.

------------------

She heard Seth get up that morning and go into the bathroom to shower and start his morning routine. Everything seemed routine with them these days. It made it easier on them. If it had been fourteen months ago, she would have gotten up and brushed her teeth and maybe, if she were in a really good mood, she would have jumped in the shower with him.

Nowadays, she would just head downstairs and make breakfast, preparing Surface Conversation for them so they didn't even have to think. But not today. Today, she was tired. She wanted to sleep. So, she pulled the blankets tighter around her and ignored the light coming in through the windows and falling in big squares across their bed.

Finally, she heard the water shut off and the last few noises of him finishing up in the bathroom. He walked out of the bathroom shirtless, toweling off his hair. He noticed the lump in his bed and wondered what Summer was still doing sleeping. He grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head before walking into the closet. He emerged moments later buttoning up his shirt and walking over towards Summer's side of the bed.

"You not getting up this morning?" he asked, sitting down.

Summer slowly opened her eyes and looked up at him before she shrugged her shoulders as best she could.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I wasn't mad at you," she told him.

It wasn't a lie. She wasn't mad at _him_. She was mad that he brought up that subject. She was mad that they had come to be this way. She was mad at Cap'n Crunch and Surface Conversations. She was mad that she had let him believe she was mad at him.

Seth looked at her before reaching out a hand and gently stroking her cheek. "I'm worried about you."

"I know," she said.

He nodded before he stood. "I'll get my own breakfast this morning."

He walked out of the room and Summer listened for a few more minutes as he made noises in the kitchen fixing his cereal. It was a quiet for a while and Summer knew he was sitting at the table, eating his cereal, and reading the paper. She waited a few moments longer, holding her breath, before she finally heard the apartment door open and then shut. No kiss.

-----

She managed to fall back asleep for a few hours because when she woke up the glowing digital numbers on her clock told her that it was 10:30. She sighed and rolled over, still feeling no desire to get out of bed this day.

When it became obvious that she had slept herself out, she sat up and, pulling the covers close to her chest, reached for the television remote. She clicked on the TV, hoping she might be able to find something decent but doubting it. She flipped through a couple of court TV shows, The Antique Roadshow, and some cheesy Lifetime movie before settling on the Home Shopping Network.

She sat through the last few minutes of the sterling silver jewelry before an ad for Tupperware came on. Once she realized how thoroughly pathetic the situation looked, she wanted to cry. The tears welled in her eyes before she had even processed this thought.

She watched the woman on the screen as she neatly packed things into the containers and smiled, even adding a "Presto!" at the end. The woman made it seem like everything in the world could just be packed into its proper container and stored away. She wished it were that simple. Summer would give anything to pack the last five months away and start over. Just like the woman on the screen. Presto.

Summer hadn't even heard Marissa coming, otherwise she would have had enough sense to wipe her face and nose. But, while Marissa is habitually loud in her actions, her movements were almost always inaudible. The door opened slowly and Marissa appeared, dressed simply in jeans and a long sleeved gray t-shirt she had pushed up to her elbows.

"Sum?" she spoke quietly, looking hard at her friend. "I didn't see you downstairs," was what she said before walking over and climbing into what was normally Seth's spot on the bed.

Summer sniffled a little and wiped her nose on the blanket. She glanced at Marissa briefly and tried to smile. Marissa smiled back but it was as if she was wearing sympathy as her lipstick.

"You crying over Tupperware?" she asked.

Marissa was different than Summer in the sense that she would ease into tough conversations like these. Summer would jump right in and ask what she wanted to ask. She was blunt like that. Marissa liked to let her talk in her own way.

Summer laughed but she sobbed a little too. She shook her head.

Marissa scooted closer and pulled Summer into a hug. "Come here, baby." Summer buried her face in Marissa's neck and let the tears leak out. Her body shook every once in a while and Marissa just rubbed her back and talked to her. "Let it out," she said.

When Summer finally felt like she couldn't cry anymore, she pulled back a little, keeping her head on Marissa's shoulder. Marissa asked if she wanted to talk and Summer nodded her head the tiniest of bits. "I don't know where to start," she said quietly, once she realized this.

"Start anywhere," Marissa told her.

There were times when Summer really resented the psychology classes Marissa had taken in college. She always knew just what questions to ask to get the information she really wanted and Summer found it a lot like cheating. However, this time was not the case. Now, she just wanted to tell Marissa, or anyone really, what was going on with her and be assured that they would listen.

"I didn't get out of bed this morning," Summer said.

"I see that," Marissa stated, picking up the channel changer from the bed and turning off the television.

"I didn't make Seth breakfast."

"I'm assuming he made it himself," Marissa said. "Seeing as how there were spilled Fruit Loops all over the counter."

Summer smiled. It was just a little one but it was there.

"We got into a fight last night."

"Ah," Marissa said, finally beginning to understand what was going on. "About?"

Summer was quiet for a few moments. "The baby," she finally whispered.

This time, Marissa didn't say anything. She just pushed Summer's hair off of her forehead and leaned down, kissing the top of Summer's head.

Summer knew that she probably wasn't still supposed to be this close with Marissa. She had thought that the only people who stayed close with their high school friends were the people in movies and television shows. So, when they split up to attend their separate schools, Summer braced herself for the loss of her best friend. But, while she and Marissa did experience some rough patches, much like her and Seth, the relationship was never ended completely.

She wouldn't say that they were closer than they were in high school. But the ties were definitely deeper. Stronger, somehow. Maybe it was because Marissa had grown up and learned what it meant to truly be someone's friend. Maybe it was because they were adults now, dealing with adult issues; issues that seemed so much bigger than them at times. Like now.

"You know, it's funny, we never really talked about it when it happened," Summer said, staring at the wall ahead of her. She felt Marissa nod against the top of her head. "I don't think either of us wanted to."

"It's a painful thing to talk about," she said. "You didn't want to relive it."

"And now," Summer pulled a thread on her comforter before tears clouded her eyes again, "we're so different."

Marissa was listening patiently, waiting Summer out.

"Seth was right. We don't talk like we used to." Summer sighed. "Everything is routine. It's like we're not even living anymore."

Marissa pulled her closer, appreciating the way Summer clung to her. She hugged her for a long time and whispered, "You'll be okay."

-----

Summer heard Seth come into the apartment. He called her name once, she guessed, because he didn't see her. Finally, he came up to their bedroom. He opened the door to see her sitting up in the bed, still in her pajamas, watching old Golden Girls reruns. Seth didn't even know they still showed that program.

"Did you get out of bed once today?" he asked, coming to sit next to her.

Summer nodded and noticed that Seth looked a little relieved. That relief vanished though, when she said, "I got a glass of water and then I had to pee."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope," she was staring at the TV, refusing to meet his eyes.

"So, what did you do then?" he asked. "Just sat here and watched TV all day?"

"I slept some and Marissa stopped by," she said, not wanting to go into details about the conversation they had had.

"Is this all about last night?" he asked suddenly, looking at the side of her face.

"Seth, I think we should talk," she said, shutting off the TV and finally turning to face him. He noticed there were tears in her eyes.

"It's about time," he muttered.

"Last night, you told me to look at us."

Seth nodded.

"So, I did. I spent a lot of time looking at us. Thinking about you and me." She took a breath. This was one of the most agonizing things she had ever thought to do but she knew if she didn't, they would keep on living like this. And she didn't want that. For either of them. "Neither of us are okay. You were right. We don't talk anymore." She took a deep breath. "And I was thinking that maybe we should take some time off. You know? Maybe it would help."

Seth felt like she had just physically reached out and slapped him. His cheeks even stung a little. "You mean, like a separation?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah." She nodded. The tears in her eyes were teetering on her lids and she wasn't sure which way they were going to go.

"Are you…are you serious?"

"It's not permanent," she tried to tell him. "I just think that maybe we should do our own thing for a while." She shrugged. "I just need to catch my breath."

Summer slid her hand across the bed and touched his. He rubbed his thumb gently across her knuckles. Then he picked up her hand and kissed it ever so lightly. She smiled.

He wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "I have to do something," he said, standing up.

She looked at him, mixed emotions swirling through her head and heart. "Okay."

As she watched him walk away, she couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved. At least now, she could stop waiting for him to kiss her goodbye.

-----

"Coming!" Marissa yelled at whoever was knocking on her door. "Seth," she said, surprised to see him.

"What the _hell_ did you say to my wife?" he said, pushing past her and into her apartment.

"What?" Marissa asked, thoroughly confused.

Seth crossed his arms and stared at Marissa. "What the hell did you say to my wife?" he repeated, slower this time.

"Look, Seth," Marissa started, shutting the door and walking into the apartment. "I walked into your bedroom to find her crying during an infomercial for Tupperware. Obviously, there's something wrong there. Forgive me for giving her someone to talk to!"

"You can let her unload on you all you want," Seth said. "But don't go putting stupid ideas about separations into her head."

He was about to leave but Marissa stopped him. "Separation?" she said. "What are you talking about?"

Seth looked at Marissa and he could tell by look of utter bewilderment on her face that she was indeed telling the truth. Seth uncrossed his arms sighed.

"Summer asked me for a separation tonight," he stated.

"Oh my god," Marissa said, looking almost as shocked as Seth when he found out. "Are you kidding me?"

Seth shook his head.

"I'm so sorry," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"No," he said. "I'm sorry. I barged in here accusing you of things when I didn't have any real evidence."

"Hey, don't worry about it," she said, leaning against the back of the couch. She crossed her arms under her chest and said, "God, a separation?" as if the words didn't make sense.

"I know she's hurting," Seth started. "She's in so much pain and I can see it. And it just _kills me_ to know that I can't do anything about it."

"Summer feels things differently than most people," Marissa said, though it was pointless because she knew Seth knew Summer well enough to know that. "Deeper, somehow."

Seth nodded. "I hate knowing…that she thinks she might be able to get better if I wasn't there," Seth said and his voice was shaky. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it just seemed to get bigger.

Marissa squeezed his arm. "Do you want some coffee? Maybe, talk about it a little?"

Seth thought for a few seconds and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks." He followed her into the kitchen. "You're not going to pull any of your physcology shit on me, right?"

"Only for you," she said, looking back at him and smiling.

TBC…


	2. 02

**Title:** In Every Sunflower

**Author:** Erica

**Disclaimer:** It all belongs to FOX. The bastards…

**Rating:** PG-13

**A/N: **First off, thanks so much for all of the reviews. I seriously appreciate them. Second, I'm just going to say right now that I already have this whole story mapped out. So, while I will consider your suggestions/requests, I can't say that they'll all be incorporated into the story. Small scenes would be easier to work in since I already have the grand scheme of things set. Also, just to be clear, this story is categorized as _angst_. And, trust me, it's going to be very angsty. Like, serious soap opera angst. It may be unrealistic/lame/stupid in some of your eyes but whatever. Don't read it. Don't flame me. If you don't like it, I don't want to hear about it. Everything (including what, exactly, happened with their child, cause it's not what you all think) will be explained over time.

Anyway, in my fic Jimbo and Juju got back together and then divorced again during the kids' freshman year of college just for the sake of Marissa's suffering.

I don't like this chapter but that doesn't really matter.

Oh, and, Leah, yes. It is _that_ fic.

* * *

_"I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes."- Joseph Arthur_

An electronic shriek resonated throughout the Cohen kitchen and Marissa glanced down at her cell phone. She looked confused for a minute before she picked up her phone.

"Hello?" she said into the cell before getting up and walking into the next room. Ryan and Kirsten exchanged a glance.

It was a few minutes before Marissa came back in the kitchen, this time with an even stranger look on her face. It seemed to be a mixture of happiness and puzzlement and maybe even a little bit of panic.

"Who was that?" Ryan asked, taking a bite out of his bagel.

"She's coming home," was all she said.

"What?" Kirsten asked, looking up from her coffee.

"Summer. She's coming home." Marissa placed her phone on the counter in front of her. "She just called and she's coming home."

"Well, that's great," Kirsten said. "Right?"

"I think so."

"I wouldn't be too sure," Ryan said, speaking up.

Before he could continue, the front door opened and closed and a little girl with golden brown hair came speeding into the kitchen. "Mom! Mommy!" she screamed before colliding with Marissa's legs. "Mama, Grandpa and me went to the beach and I know I've been to the beach, like, a bazillion times before but it was really cool 'cause we built a sandcastle and it was really big with lots of towers and even a mote!"

Sandy entered the kitchen a few paces behind her with a smile on his face.

"Wow," Marissa said, squatting down and picking the girl up to rest on her hip. She marveled at the speed of the girl's speech and knew she must have picked that little habit up from Seth. "Thanks so much for taking her out this morning, Sandy," Marissa said.

"It was no problem," he said, waving it off. "We had fun, didn't we?"

"Yep," she said, squirming in her mother's arms. Marissa set her down and she walked over to Ryan who leaned down so she could place a kiss on his cheek. "Morning, daddy," she said.

"Morning, baby doll," he replied.

Emily was the product of a crazy night way back during Ryan and Marissa's freshman year in college. Marissa was dealing with the second divorce of Jimmy and Julie and when she went to Ryan for comfort, things happened. She found out she was pregnant and nine months later…out came Emily. They were never married and they didn't plan to be. They had learned a long time ago that they weren't exactly the perfect couple, so they stopped trying to "make this work" when, obviously, it wasn't.

"I can sense the tension in the room," Sandy said, pouring himself a glass of juice. "What's going on?"

"Marissa just talked to S-U-M-M-E-R," Kirsten said. "She said she's coming H-O-M-E."

They had learned long ago the best ways to keep private information private. Emily had a very big mouth. She knew how to spell now though, so Marissa only used the spelling trick when Emily wasn't paying attention. Like now.

"Wow," Sandy said. "When?"

"Her flight gets in tomorrow," Marissa explained.

"Are we at all worried about Seth?" Sandy asked.

Ryan spoke up. "That's what I was going to say."

"When was the last time he talked to her?"

"Well," Marissa said, "she's been gone for…seven months?"

"Nana." They were interrupted by Emily, who was tugging on Kirsten's skirt. "Can I have a glass of juice?"

"Sure thing, sweetie," Kirsten said, pulling a sippy cup for the five-year-old from the back of the cupboard. Kirsten poured the cup full and replaced the lid. Then, leaning down, she spoke to the child. "Why don't you run up to your Uncle Seth's old room and see if you can find his comic books?"

Emily smiled and took the cup from Kirsten, racing up the steps with it. Her love for comic books was yet another thing that Marissa fully and completely blamed Seth for.

Once Emily was out of earshot, the adults picked up their conversation from where they had left off. "Summer left for Seattle in August," Marissa said. "And Emily is turning six this February, so, yeah, it's been seven months."

"She called a lot," Ryan said. "It's not like they weren't keeping in touch."

"He's coming over for breakfast any minute," Kirsten informed them. "Who's going to break the news to him?"

Weekend breakfasts at the Cohen house were tradition, allowing everyone a chance to catch up. And, while usually a chatty time for everyone, right now, the room fell silent as everyone looked around at each other.

"We should ease him into it," Ryan said.

"Yeah," Marissa said. "Agreed."

"We still need to come up with a game plan, though." Sandy knew that none of them would take charge, so he had to. But, before he could come up with any sort of plan, the front door opened and shut.

"Oh, god," someone breathed.

"Hey, guys," Seth said, appearing in the doorway.

"Hey, sweetie," Kirsten said, as everyone tried to act normal.

"Mom, please, I'm, like, twenty-six years old. Can you lay off the sweeties and the honeys?"

"I'm your mother, Seth. Let me have that."

Seth made a big production of groaning before mumbling an okay as he walked over to the refrigerator. He grabbed the milk and set it on the counter before reaching into the cabinet above the fridge for the Cap'n Crunch.

"So, Seth," Ryan said, searching for something to say. "Have you closed the deal with Neutrogena?"

"Yes," Seth said, looking at him oddly. "I thought I told you already. And even if I hadn't, I figured Marissa would."

"Right," Ryan said, mentally kicking himself. "Forgot."

"Where's my favorite niece?" Seth asked, pouring his cereal into a bowl.

"She's your only niece," Marissa said. "And she's upstairs, searching for your comic books."

"I see."

"Seth," Sandy said, "are we going surfing tomorrow morning?"

"Can't," Seth said. "Summer's coming home." Everyone in the room took a second to process the words but Seth continued to talk as if he hadn't noticed anything. "She called me yesterday; said her flight was getting in tomorrow. I've got to go pick her up. I talked to her right before I left my apartment and she said she called you, Marissa."

"Um, yeah," Marissa said, finding her voice. "She called a little while ago." Marissa paused for a beat. "Seth, are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, taking a sip of his juice.

"You haven't seen each other since you separated last August. She moved out to Seattle." Ryan reminded him. "Neither of you has made a move either way. You're both just sitting in your corners waiting for the other person to do something. Now, she is."

Seth paused, his glass halfway between his mouth and the counter. "I didn't think of it that way," he said finally.

"Why don't you guys talk about that later?" Kirsten suggested. "It's too early to talk about that."

What Kirsten said didn't really make any sense but everyone nodded and agreed anyway because they knew Seth hadn't, up till now, looked at the situation from that perspective. They didn't want to throw everything at him at once. Instead, they would stick to the game plan they had yet to come up with.

-----

Sandy and Kirsten had cleared the table and promptly disappeared after Kirsten mumbled something about a broken bathroom sink, which everyone knew was a lie and simply an excuse to get out of the kitchen and leave the three of them to talk this over.

Seth was getting nervous and Ryan knew it wouldn't be long before he was really freaking out. When he and Summer separated, she had made plans to visit with a cousin in Seattle. It was only supposed to be for a month or so but it quickly turned into seven months and now Seth and Summer hadn't taken a step in any direction.

"What does this mean?" Seth asked, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, what am I supposed to do here?"

"We can't tell you what to do," Marissa said. "That's something you're going to have to decide on your own."

Seth groaned and rested his head in his hands. "I thought it was going to be simple. _She was coming home_. That was all that mattered. I didn't bother to think about what was going to happen when she was actually here."

"You guys have been at a standstill since she left," Marissa explained rationally, as if he didn't know. "Now she's coming back and the ball's in your court. You just have to figure out what to do next."

"Why does this have to be so complicated?" Seth said, throwing his hands up in defeat. "If everything could just go back to the way it was before…" He trailed off and Ryan and Marissa knew why. No one talked about it anymore. Not since Summer left.

They sat for a while longer, letting the comfortable silence envelope them as each mulled over the situation. Ryan and Marissa knew that they couldn't tell Seth or Summer what to do. They were two of the most stubborn people either had ever met and that was probably why they fought so often. But they loved each other more than anything. That much was obvious.

Finally, Seth pushed angrily away from the table and got up. He walked towards the door, like he might be leaving, but then he stopped and put his hands in his hair. Ryan and Marissa stared at his back, wondering if he was about to rip out all of his precious curls.

"Uncle Seth!" Emily said as she came bounding into the room, a comic book in hand. "I was reading your comic books," she informed him proudly, holding up the magazine as evidence.

"That's great, kid," he said, barely glancing down at her.

Emily's face fell and she walked slowly towards Marissa. "Is he mad at me?" she asked. "Because Nana told me to read his comic books. And I'm sposed to do what Nana tells me—"

"No, no, sweetheart," Marissa reassured. "Your Uncle Seth isn't mad at you. He's just not in a good mood right now."

Emily nodded but in a way that showed she didn't really understand. Seth turned around and dropped his hands to sides as Marissa gave him a look, glancing at Emily and then back to him.

"Hey, Em," he said, squatting down. He motioned for her to come here.

She walked over to him cautiously, dragging the comic book in her hands, a long-perfected pout formed on her face.

"Do you know what I keep in the bottom drawer of my desk?" he asked.

Emily shook her head, her face changing from pouty to curious.

He leaned in and whispered something in her ear and suddenly, her face lit up.

"Can I?" she asked excitedly.

"Go ahead," he said.

She started to rush out of the kitchen but Seth grabbed the tiny girl around her waist and held her back.

"Can I have a hug first?" he asked. Emily wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and hugged him. "Kiss?"

"That's gonna cost extra," she told him smartly.

"Fine," Seth said. "You can have two."

"Two whole packs?" Emily asked, amazed.

"Yep," he said.

Emily planted a kiss on one cheek, and then the other. Then, she raced out of the room.

"What did you give her?" Ryan asked, curious.

"I gave the kid Smarties. What did you think?"

TBC…


	3. 03

**Title:** In Every Sunflower

**Author: **Erica

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Rating:** PG-13

**A/N:** This chapter is a flashback. Again, like I said, they will be in no particular order so just keep that in mind. Basically, whenever I get bored, I add one.

Also, a reviewer has kindly reminded me that I gave no credit to Bell X1 for the title. Eek! My sincerest apologies for that; I thought I had mentioned them somewhere but I guess not. So, yes, title is from a Bell X1 song.

And, I changed my username yet again. Um, obviously. It would have started to bother me, I know it would have so, alas, the initial system has been applied.

* * *

_"Never cast as the romantic lead but somehow on our feet…" –The New Amsterdams_

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Seth had a feeling that he was supposed to be nervous about this. But, for whatever reason, he wasn't. After months and months of planning and even more months of Summer chatting his ear off with endless conversation of table linens and flowers, he was ready.

He was considerably less ready when Marissa appeared at the back of the church and practically cantered down the aisle. The organist picked up the tempo of the music to match Marissa's pace but she paid no heed as she continued down the aisle. Seth was certain this wasn't how she had done it in rehearsal.

"Seth," she hissed as she reached him. "It's Summer," she said.

"What?" he asked hurriedly. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's freaking out. She won't leave the room."

Seth stopped for a minute. Then, cautiously he asked, "Does she…does she not want to do this?"

Marissa shook her head. "No," she said immediately. "She's just nervous. She—"

Seth didn't hear the rest of what Marissa said because he was already gone down the aisle and into the back hallways of the church. He knocked twice on the door of the room he knew Summer was in before walking in.

"Summer?" he said.

"Cohen?" Summer said, looking up from her seat in the corner.

He hurried over to her and squatted down in front of her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," she said. Then, after a beat, "I'm scared, Seth."

"I know," he said, nodding. "I'm scared too."

"It's just that…this the rest of my life, you know? And, I'm not saying I don't want to spend it with you, cause I do, but it's just…"

"I know," Seth said again.

"I want to do this." She reached out and touched his hand. "You know that, right?"

Seth smiled. "Of course."

Summer leaned down and kissed him. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I'm okay."

"Hey, no worries," Seth said, standing up. Summer followed suit and he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Is your dad going to come get you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he should be here any minute. And you," Summer said, shoving him, "need to get out! It's bad luck to see me in my dress before the wedding!"

"Okay, okay," Seth said, laughing. "Watch the tux."

"I'll be out in a minute," Summer said, smiling as Seth headed for the door. "I love you!"

"I love you too," he called over his shoulder as he shut the door, just in time to pass Dr. Roberts in the hallway.

"That's bad luck," Neil pointed out, jokingly.

Seth grinned and glanced over his shoulder. "That's what she said."

"She's okay?"

"Yeah." Seth nodded. "She's fine."

Then, Dr. Roberts got serious. "Now, Seth, I know we didn't really get off on the right foot way back when—"

Seth cut him off. "Water under the bridge, Dr. Roberts."

He smiled. "You make her happy," he commented. "It's good to see her happy."

Seth smiled and ducked his head. "That's my goal."

"I'll see you later," he said, as he started to walk away. He stopped and turned around. "And, for god sakes Seth, would you call me Neil?" he added.

"Will do, Dr. Ro—Neil."

---

Seth pulled Summer closer to him as they moved together on the dance floor. What they were doing could hardly be classified as dancing, in the sense that they were barely moving, but it didn't matter to them. Seth had no idea what song was playing, but he also found that he didn't really care.

"Cohen," Summer said and her voice was muffled seeing as her face was pressed against his chest.

"Yeah?"

Summer paused, as if she weren't exactly sure as to what she wanted to say next. "I want to get out of here," she said, lifting her face and looking past his shoulder at the almost empty dance floor.

Seth smiled. "Me too."

If Seth had his way, they'd be at the hotel right now, doing things that definitely were not appropriate to do on the dance floor.

"I hate tuxes," Seth commented childishly as he tugged at his collar.

"But, sweetie, you look so cute!" Summer reassured him jokingly.

Seth grinned and the song ended and he took Summer's hand, leading her off of the dance floor because he had gotten bored with the rocking motion they were attempting to pass off as dancing. They found Sandy and Kirsten, seated comfortably at a table, talking with Neil.

"Hey, you two," Kirsten greeted as they approached.

"It's getting late," Sandy said. "Aren't you guys worn out yet?"

Summer smiled. "A little," she answered.

"Why don't you head to the hotel?" Kirsten suggested. "We'll handle everything here."

Seth glanced at the last few people lingering around. Several of his cousins were finishing off martinis at the bar and his uncle appeared to be raiding the empty tables for spare dinner rolls while his aunt waited impatiently at the door.

"Are you sure that's okay?" Seth asked.

"Of course," Neil assured. "Get out of here."

Summer smiled again and leaned down to kiss her father on the cheek. Seth shook Dr. Roberts' hand as Summer hugged Sandy goodbye.

"Thanks," Seth said, giving his father a hug and manly pat on the back.

"We'll see you when you get back," Kirsten said, squeezing Summer's hand.

---

"Watch my head! Watch my head!" Summer yelled right before Seth could smack it into the doorframe.

"I got it," he said, even though he really didn't. He was struggling quite a bit for trying to do something as simple as carry Summer through the door of their hotel.

He angled himself so that they could both make it through the door safely. He then carried Summer over to the bed and dropped her unceremoniously onto it.

"There," he said.

"God, Cohen," Summer said, sitting up. "That was like the most unromantic carrying of a wife over a threshold ever."

"You wanna do it again?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "But when we get home. You can carry me into the apartment."

"Excellent," Seth said sarcastically as he sat down, leaning against the headboard. He opened his arms to her and she scooted in close to him, pushing the fluffy white confection of a dress over so that she could fit better with him.

Seth took her hand and laced their fingers together as Summer picked them up, close to her face, inspecting them. She turned their hands and eyed her wedding ring.

"We're married," she breathed. "For real."

Seth smiled at her. "That's usually what that big ceremony means."

"Shut up," she said, smacking his chest. She stared at him for a while before continuing. "Me and you," she went on, lifting her head up and looking at him. "Forever. Do you realize what this means?"

Seth nodded. "It means you get to boss me around for the rest of my life."

She looked at him pointedly. "It means more than that."

"It means…" Seth said, "that we can have sex every day for the rest of our lives."

"And…" she responded.

"And it means…" Seth continued, "that I get to wake up every morning with you."

Summer nodded and smiled, neglecting to point out that he's waken up every morning with her since they graduated college. "And?"

"It means…" Seth said, sitting up on his knees and tackling her as his fingers tickled her waist. He had given up on figuring out what it meant.

Summer laughed. "You're tickling me!" she screeched.

"That is the point," Seth said, taking her wrists and holding them above her head as he continued to tickle her with the other hand.

"Stop!" she giggled out. "Seriously! I'm gonna kick your ass, Seth Cohen!"

"My pleasure."

"Se-ETH," she said, breaking his name into two syllables. "Cut it out. You're going to ruin my dress."

Seth let go of her wrists and she sat up, smoothing out the white dress she had spent hours meticulously going over to make sure it was just right.

"Why don't you just take it off?" Seth offered, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he sat back against the headboard again.

"Wouldn't you like that," Summer said, moving into her spot beside him.

"Oh, indeed I would."

After a moment, Summer said, "I can't believe we're really married."

"I know," Seth agreed.

"This is so cool!"

"Very cool."

Summer leaned up and kissed him. "Come on," she said, as she sat forward on her knees and put her back to him.

"What?" Seth asked, confused.

Summer pulled her hair off the back of her neck and looked over her shoulder at him, rolling her eyes. "Unzip me, Cohen."

Seth grinned as he willingly complied.

TBC…


End file.
